For what its worth - Henry Budd on cutting lunch / Tuesday, September 15, 2009
"I needed to spice things up a bit. Spice it up in a way that your chilli basil stir fry just can't."
Dear lunchtime Thai takeaway,
I've been meaning to tell you this for some time but I don't know where to begin, so I will just come out with it: I've been seeing other people.
There, I've said it.
I'm sorry, but our relationship has lost its spark. It's true.
When our romance began I couldn't stop thinking about you.
Those hot curries and succulent stir fries had me sneaking out of work as soon as I could get away each day and into your welcoming arms.
When I left I couldn't get you out of my mind.
I told all my friends bout how special you were.
Then you became friends with my friends, which makes this break-up all the more difficult.
But our daily lunchtime dalliances have become few and far between. Sure, there's still the odd lunchtime booty call but I'm left emotionally hollow afterwards.
You never want to talk about things afterwards, its just all about the money.
But I'm not looking to blame anyone.
If anything, its not you, its me.
I felt stuck in a rut and now I'm looking for something else.
I needed to spice things up a bit. Spice it up in a way that your chilli basil stir-fry just can't.
I'm the same every time with you - massaman, stir-fry, or noodles. Sure there's the option of chicken, beef or seafood, but even that's getting old now.
And I've had better. That's right, better.
Your pad thai is all noddles, no chicken. I know when you're going through the motions - faking it - call it what you want.
You're not going to like hearing this, but now that I've started I have to tell you everything - I've been a bit of a man-whore lately.
It started with just a steak at the pub on a Friday.
Yes I was drinking, but that's no excuse.
I can't explain why I did it, but I did and now I'm not sure I feel the same way about you.
Then that good-looking Vietnamnese pho shop with the makeover caught my eye and lured me with the sweet perfume of mi goreng.
Then it was that trendy fish and chip shop I dated a couple of times before I met you.
I'd forgotten why I liked it so much.
I even dated your neighbour the sushi shop a couple of times before stooping even lower these past few weeks with the occasional trip for fried chicken. I even tried the Golden Arches when it tarted itself up and tried to go classy. Angus burger, who could resist?
I know you'll be angry, but please, don't act like you havn't being giving it to everybody else. You're hardly on the moral high ground here.
I'm sorry things had to end this way and I hope we can be friends.
Your former lunchtime flame,
Henry.
PS: Oh, and to my old coffee shop I went steady with for 2 years, I'm getting my fix from the cafe around the corner now.
Sorry, but you let yourself go. This time it's not me, it's you.
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LOL, got it from the mx today. It was hilarious. Thought I'd share it with you. XD
Labels: humour, literature
/because of my high tolerance.
8:54:00 PM
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